suffered an unimaginable tragedy when she found her 2-year-old drowned in the pool. Ross, according to “Good Morning America,” tweeted to her 5,400 followers less than an hour after the discovery, asking for their prayers.
Instead of prayers, Ross faced a litany of attacks from the Web. One person wrote, “A child is dead because [of] his mother’s infatuation with Twitter.”
The Daily News cited a second incident, when New Jersey blogger Norie Pereira posted about her daughter being the subject of cyberbullying after “a nude photo she’d texted to her boyfriend went viral.”
Real World vs. Cyber World
As a work from home professional, I log more hours in front of my computer than I do interacting with family and friends. Even on a good day, I might spend an hour chatting with various “real world” contacts on the phone or in person, but I probably spend 8 – 10 hours interacting with “cyber world” contacts – some of whom I’ve met personally, many of whom I have not – online, through social media, email and IM services. I view many of these “cyber world” contacts as real friends, although some live across the country or around the world.
As social media takes an increasingly dominant role in our daily lives, the lines of acceptable online conduct become increasingly blurred. While I hope I never have to face a loss such as Ross did, I’m not sure how I would react in said situation. When, several years ago, my father was rushed to the emergency room (four hours away from where I lived at the time), I managed to make the drive to his ER in just over three hours, but I did take a moment to let my then colleague, now fiancée, know what had happened via IM before running out the door. Was I chastised for it? Certainly not – I had a sympathetic ear and a kind email later in the day asking if I was alright and letting me know that my father’s well being was in his thoughts, though he lived 3000 miles away.
Looking at the situation, is it possible that Ross was, in a moment of absolute anguish, reaching out to a network of perceived loved ones, looking for compassion and solace? While only Ross knows the true answer to that, I tend to think that it was that need for connection, real or virtual, that led her to post on Twitter, rather than an infatuation.
This week, there has been much discussion about whether or not bloggers are considered “journalists.” While some of us blog as a hobby and others blog for business, one of the joys of our particular form of media is that it’s intensely personal. Many of us write in the first person, and our particular areas of expertise and personal backgrounds are what make us the successful writers that we are – it’s what makes our readers connect with what we have to say. It’s the same concept as the talk show host connection many TV viewers feel – though they’ve never met Regis and Kelly or Oprah, we trust them, tune in on a regular basis, and listen to what they have to say.
Building Community, Not Animosity
When we launched SheBlogs, back in July, 2009, I received a flood of emails, Tweets, and other correspondence from bloggers who were thrilled to be a part of a community that wasn’t “clique-y” and didn’t exclude bloggers who weren’t moms. It was a joy to be a part of such an amazing group of women who found the site, interacted, and who were truly looking for a sense of belonging online. Most of you have never met me personally, but there were some amazing dialogues that took place – thoughts on the shape of the community, direction, even about personal experiences with other online organizations.
Reading the news about online cyberbullying today was troublesome. I’ve seen the effects that cyberbullying has on teenagers, and advocated strongly for a safe online environment for teens and adults in a prior PR position. It’s upsetting to think that this phenom has spread to the blogging community – especially since we all have so much to gain from each other and learn from working together.
Tonight, I’d like to reach out to each of you and ask the following:
- Are these cases more isolated instances that have received large media attention, or part of a growing trend?
- Have you personally, or has a colleague, been the subject of cyberbullying?
- What would you, as part of the SheBlogs community, like to see done about it? Are there steps that we, as a community of intelligent women, can take to minimize or eliminate cyberbullying among bloggers?
I welcome you to post comments below, or post on your own sites and share links with us and encourage an open dialogue about a very important subject. If you like this post, please share it.
It’s an interesting thought. I remember when I was a teen, that I both gave and got a lot of crap online. Really, it’s probably a little worse online because you don’t have to think of that screen name or e-mail as another person but teenaged bullying like that has always been around. And it always will be so the best way to deal with it is to prepare the teens and tweens you love to deal with harsh people. It’s a lesson that will be useful as long as they live, really.
It seems as though this idea that the internet should be nice is quite a new one and it almost makes me laugh. I want to ask “remember when you would’ve gotten punched in the face for suggesting being nice online?”
As I have grown up and away from that mindset and community (and perhaps as my peers have done the same), I have encountered an internet where the golden rule actually applies–sometimes. But let’s face it, that is not the case with most of the internet. My husband participates in radically different communities than I do, where sensitivity isn’t actively practiced which is exactly why we need to prepare future generations for unkind behaviour from others.
Agreed, wholeheartedly! When I was a teenager, a classmate posted a terrible (primitive – we’re talking mid-90s) website where students could log in under classmates’ names and leave horrible, embarrassing comments about “themselves” and each other. Thankfully, my name never cropped up in the mix, and school administrators (although, as teenagers, we didn’t appreciate fully that our principal was acting in our best interests locating the site’s webmaster) had the site taken down within a few weeks.
Preparation FOR bullying, however, IMHO, isn’t the same as tolerance OF bullying. There was a fantastic article in this month’s Wired Magazine, written by Steven Levy, about the sense of community that early “hackers” had – the community that included Web giants like Bill Gates. Having spent a lot of time in San Fran, I’ve seen first hand that the biggest names in the tech industry really do feel a sense of community – and I don’t think that, from their seats, the thought that the Internet should be nice or collective is all that foreign. We’re a self-policing community of individuals, and much like we’re advised in high school – speaking out against bullying is our biggest defense against bullying. Silence is what allows it to continue unabated.
Tonight, I’d like to reach out to each of you and ask the following:
1. Are these cases more isolated instances that have received large media attention, or part of a growing trend?
I think this is a growing problem (I just can’t use the word trend for this instance) that the media picked up on fueled by mean and hurtful replies/comments
2. Have you personally, or has a colleague, been the subject of cyberbullying?
I have but not on the scale mentioned above…one instance was when another Oklahoma blogger made fun of my blog-b/c I had won an Okie blog award,made fun of me and made fun at some of the ‘slang’ and terms/words i use in my blog posts…for instance I refer to my dad as daddy-they dedicated a very hurtful post in my honor then allowed their commenters to to carry it a step further by allowing them to comment and stroke their ego…I even got hate email telling me I should die and give up blogging etc…they tried to validate themselves by slapping the tag ‘humor’ on their post
3. What would you, as part of the SheBlogs community, like to see done about it? Are there steps that we, as a community of intelligent women, can take to minimize or eliminate cyberbullying among bloggers?
I am not sure there is really anything that an be done-there is always going to be someone out there that doesn’t like you,your,blog,what you write etc…other than offering support to the one in need…you can’t control the actions of others…as a wife,mother,friend and blogger I always try and treat others as i would like to be treated…I do agree that silence is not the way to go…but in the same sense if you blog about the bully or call them out you only end up validating them even more ….I do know it is a fine line…